Part I:  A New Hope

Han Solo is a charming scoundrel who loves money and saving his own neck.  He kills bounty hunters with guns trained on him and isn’t afraid to argue with feisty princesses. But somewhere along the line, an underlying loyalty didn’t allow him to abandon his new-found friends to the Death Star and eventually he fell in love with Leia.

Han is a great example of many effective ways to act around women.  Through video and transcript we’ll analyze his moves and, more importantly, his underlying attitudes.  I’ll add my commentary and also point out how the timid “beta” pleaser would act instead and ruin things.

Han Meets Leia

Let’s meet the self-centered scoundrel now, alongside the idealistic Luke.  View up to about 1:35 to get the New Hope parts and then pause.  Make sure to take special notice of Han’s smiling reaction around the 1:15-1:16 mark.  (Okay, watch the whole thing if you want but we’ll come back to Empire Strike Back where things get even better in my next post.)

Notice how Luke is an idealistic white knight who wants to risk his life to rescue Leia and Luke has to appeal to Han’s lust for wealth.  From the transcript:

LUKE                        But they're going to kill her!
HAN                         Better her than me...[not quite bros 
                                                  bf hoes but certainly me before she]
LUKE                        She's rich.
HAN                         Rich? [I love how this catches his 
                                                  attention.]

Han Doesn’t Pedestalize the Princess

Once they’ve gotten her out and she starts sassing off, he just barks right back at her, not cowed by her prince-ess-ly status nor her beauty:

LEIA                     Looks like you managed to cut off 
                         our only escape route.
HAN (sarcastically)     Maybe you'd like it back in your 
                         cell, Your Highness.

The timid beta would have pleaded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cut off our escape route.  What do you want to do tonight?”

Han doesn’t pedestalize women and the clash of egos continues (notice how he calls her that delightful title that so gets under her skin, “Your Worshipfulness”):

HAN                     If we can just avoid any more female 
                         advice, we ought to be able to get 
                         out of here.

LEIA                     Listen. I don't know who you are, or 
                         where you came from, but from now 
                         on, you do as I tell you. Okay?

 HAN                     Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get 
                         one thing straight! I take orders 
                         from one person! Me! [The needy beta would 
  have accepted to do as she tells him, "Okay, whatever you want, let's just not argue."]

Don’t Make a Woman Your Mission

Later, aboard the Millenium Falcon, Han explains that he’s in it for the money (his mission at that moment) and not her:

HAN                      It['s over] for me, sister! Look, I ain't 
                         in this for your revolution, and I'm 
                         not in it for you, Princess. I expect 
                         to be well paid. I'm in it for the 
                         money!

To see what the pedestalizing beta would do, let’s turn to Luke:

LEIA                     Your friend is quite a mercenary. I 
                         wonder if he really cares about 
                         anything... or anyone.
LUKE                     I care!

Don’t Take Women So Seriously

The conversation turns to Leia:

LUKE                    So... what do you think of her, Han?
HAN                     I'm trying not to, kid!
LUKE(under his breath)  Good...
HAN                     Still, she's got a lot of spirit. I 
                         don't know, what do you think? Do 
                         you think a princess and a guy like 
                         me...
LUKE                    No!

Luke has a crush on her and is already possessively trying to dissuade a possible rival.

Go back to 1:10-1:16 in the video above and look at Han’s facial reaction to Luke’s “no.” This is huge. This is the attitude we need to have as men. Not placing our entire ego on the outcome of getting a girl, not approaching a woman with our whole soul in our outstretched hands and thinking our life will have no meaning if she rejects us. Approaching women with such an attitude creates a ton of tension in a guy and will often come across and make the girl feel the magnitude that we’re giving to the moment and she’ll tense up as well. And, yes, I know it’s hard-wired into a lot of us and compounded by cultural conditioning so it’s not easy but it’s doable. Work on your inner game to not place so much investment in any one girl. Let her earn your affection, after all, that’s how she wants it.

Just remember that carefree-scoundrel Han Solo smile and don’t take interactions with women so seriously. Internalize that smile to counteract the needy Luke within. Have fun with it. Don’t invest your entire ego (or even 25% of it) in the outcome.

In my next post we get to Empire Strikes Back, the best Star Wars movie ever, and how Han escalates to the kiss.

Read Also:

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What the Greeks and Plato Thought About ALPHA

Why The Other Guys Always Get The Girls

The Dating Game Vs Girl Game

I Don’t Kiss On The First Date

How To Handle A Nuclear Rejection In The Age Of Social Media

The Complex Nature of Sexiness and Its Impact On The Dating Game

How Women Can Stay Visible And Attractive As They Age

What Radical Honesty In Modern Dating Would Really Look Like